I had a couple of situations happen to me 24 years ago when was 18, one I was coerced/pressured into, and one was nonconsent.Both situations happened because of me hanging out with J.I thought that I had put past me, and after a somewhat recent divorce, I am revisiting my feelings that those situations brought about.
Both situations involved a friend I grew up with in my old childhood neighborhood. We were best friends growing up, but as we got older I was more school oriented, and preoccupied with girls. I feel like I need to be specific, because the first situation is the one that has me questioning things, and I can't shake this thing that I am obsessed with.
My friend who was also 18, we will call him J, went the other route. He started running with the wrong crowd, got in trouble with the law, and dropped out of high school. We were still tight, but he became a bit of a bully. He would always kinda tease me around girls, and say he bet he could get me to suck his cock, and I would probably take it in the ass, stuff like that. He would say it in a joking way so I didn't take it that personal. Back then I thought it was him competing for the girls, and trying to humiliate me in front of them. I was better looking than him. I would deny it, and call him an asshole, but he was tougher then me so I wasn't gonna get my ass kicked in front of the girls too.
Anyway, he got a job working on motorcycles, and got in tight with his work buddies who were all older then him by alot. They invited him to a party that their bike club was supposed to have, and he wanted me to go. I didn't really want to go, but he said there would be older women their, and it would get wild from what his co-workers said. The girls got a definite yes from me. We smoked some pot on the way there. J smoked all the time. I didn't, but I did this time to relax before we got there. I was nervous being around that crowd. We get there, and all I see is 3 motorcycles there. He looked disappointed. I was a bit relieved. We walked up, and knocked. Loud voice yells to come in. We walk in, and it reeks of pot. Three dudes playing poker drunk, and high. I don't play poker. J did, and they invited us to play. I was broke, so I just sat out, and watched, and smoked some of their weed, and had a beer.
For an hour or so it was cool. Then they keep asking me to make their drinks, acting all weird like I am some bar bench or something. They said it was the least I could do since I was smoking their pot. I was high as hell so I figured I wasn't doing anything anyways. Then J, for some damn reason, starts laughing saying he thinks I would suck a cock, and take it in the ass so I might as well be the waitress. I said bullshit obviously l, but the mood changed after that. The dudes started slapping my ass, and calling me sweetheart laughing and stuff. Jeff watched me to see what I would do, but these guys were bad news. I wasn't starting anything. Just hoped they would let it go. They didn't. They turned on some classic rock, and the biggest one, although they were all big, told me to stand next to him. I do, and he starts feeling my ass. I look at J and he won't look at me, acting like he doesn't notice. He knew he was the reason I was in this mess. The big guy tells me to rub his shoulders. I didn't move fast enough so he slaps my ass. I felt so humiliated massaging another man's shoulders like I am his girl or something. After a while he tells me to sit in his lap. I am shaking out of my skin by now. I sit on his lap. He can feel me trembling so he orders me to take some big swigs of whiskey, and smoke more weed. It did get me high, and relaxed. The weed seemed stronger then before. I relaxed, and he started rubbing my leg. It stayed that way for a while. I figured I could deal with it. It was already done. I am sufficiently embarrassed with J watching this. All I had to do was not rock the boat. After a few hands he makes me fix everyone's drinks. I start asking each one what they want. Big guy makes me add sir to my questions, starting to get more forceful with his tone. This guy will mess me up bad, if not worse, so I ask again with sir at the end. I am beyond embarrassed, but kind of shutting down, trying not to process the humility. I get to J, and ask if he needs another beer ' sir '…that mf just says yep. Won't even look up. I get the drinks made and J's beer. I go to sit down, and big man tells me to take my shirt off, and show them my tit's. I stand their for what felt like forever, and smack, another slap on my ass. Get to it he says. So off goes my tshirt, and back on his lap I go. He is rubbing my leg again, only this time he is working his hand up my cargo shorts. I am frozen. Again…drink more, and more weed. Big guy undoes my button and zipper, and rubs my cock. My body is tingling all over. It surprisingly felt amazing despite my humilation. Next he whispers ' get these off '. I am so high I have no fight left. Whatever is gonna happen is gonna happen. I stand up, and let my shorts fall to my feet. He says ' them too '. I start taking my underwear off. He grabs a handful of ass cheek. I stand back up after stepping out of my underwear. All I have on is my damn ankle socks, and Adidas tennis shoes. I sit back down in his lap, closing my eyes so I don't have to look at anyone. It is very quiet minus the music still playing. He is rubbing my cock, and balls, and I get hard. The other guys start telling J he was right. I was getting aroused. I had secretly thought mens cocks were attractive, but I never felt romantic towards guys. Just thought cocks were more attractive visually then women's p*ssy. One of the other guys, we will call him H, wins a hand, and says it's his turn for me to sit in his lap. I open my eyes, and big guy pushes me out of his lap so I walk over, and sits me down strattling his leg. H undoes his pants, and pulls his cock out, tells me to stroke it so I do. He starts kissing on my neck while the cards are shuffled, and delt. I am strangely turned on, I mean HARD, hard. H cock starts pulsing, and he comes on my hand. The other biker, call him T, yells next. I go over to sit in his lap, and he says ' nope ' and points under the table. He is looking me dead in the eyes very serious so I go under. I can't believe I am under this damn table naked. He pulls it out and it's soft, but big. It is probably half an inch from my face. I can't bring myself to do it, but he slaps my head hard. I close my eyes, and move my face forward. I feel it on my lips so I open my mouth, and put it in, and for the first time in my life, suck a cock. Just tried to copy what girls did to me. Couldn't get much in without gagging so jacked him off, and sucked on the first few inches. T says I suck cock pretty good. I had a weird feeling of pride about that. I can feel him pulsing, and he holds my head there, so I had to swallow my first load. I thought it would taste bad, but it wasn't really that bad. I remember thinking it was weird that it didn't really taste that bad. I back off and just sit under the table. I realized the others had theirs out INCLUDING J! I suck big guy, who had the smallest cock surprisingly, then suck H. I get done, and J is just shaking his like a treat for a dog or something. I crawl over, give him the I hate you look as he is grinning. I begrudgingly open up, and he puts it in. I'm thinking about what this all means, and what my life is gonna be like. What will my girlfriend do? I still want to be with her. He comes. I swallow. I crawl out from under the table, and just stand their. Big guy says let's go in the living room. I start to put my clothes back on, but big guy says not yet. We sit on the couch, big guy is cuddling me, my damn clothes on the table, and they are complimenting me. I don't know what to say to that so just say thanks. J laughs, and says he knew I would. Big guy isn't done. He lays my head in his lap, and makes me get him hard again. He gets off the couch so I start sitting up. He says not so fast. Lay back down. So I am laying on.my stomach looking at J when I realize what big guy is about to do. I tell him I have never done that. He doesn't answer, and drops his pants then straddles my legs. I feel his cock touching my ass crack. He spits on his cock, and puts it in. I was so damn scared about pain, but the weird thing to me is well the whole night was weird, but it didn't hurt at all. I felt pressure, him slowly easing back, and forth until I felt him up against me, his balls hanging between my legs. I always heard from girls that it hurt. Why not me? Maybe the weed high? I don't know, but I was happy about it. He starts getting faster, and harder. It takes him what felt like quite a while then he starts thrusting hard until he stops. I know he is coming. He lays on top of me a while. Gets soft. Finally pulls out then tells me, and J we gotta go. He's tired. He won't even let me put my clothes on. I have to walk out to J's truck naked carrying my clothes. It's quiet for a while on the way home. When I ask J if he set me up. He says he didn't expect that to happen. Says he can't believe I did all that. I tell him he would have done what I had to do if he was me. He laughed, and said no. I beg him to not ever tell anyone. He says he won't. He did make me suck him off a couple times when he couldn't ahold of his girlfriend. He got me in trouble one other time. I did my best to stay away from home so he couldn't mess with me. I worked a ton of hours, Moved in with my aunt, Worked out, and got bigger. J got arrested for drugs, and sent to prison, so I got out of that mess. I took on the alpha persona, and married my girlfriend.
Now I am divorced, and all the feelings are coming back about the humiliation, and feeling aroused at the idea of being submissive. I like the idea of sucking cock, and being fucked. I also think the only way I could get turned on enough is to me coerced, pressured to do it. The submissiveness is a huge part of the turn on. I am the dominant one usually with women, and in my life. I find myself yearning to be the submissive one, being told what to do, being humiliated again. Can you help me figure out why I want cock, but not a boyfriend. I still prefer women in most other ways.