My best friend is gay and im straight. Weve been super close since we were kids, but have never experimented before. Last night we were drinking together and he confessed that he wanted to fuck me, and started groping my ass. Normally id laugh and push his hand away, but i was horny, cocky, and drunk, so i instead teased him about how of course hed want to fuck my ass, my ass is perfect, etc etc. We kept drinking, and slowly got more and more physical.
At some point, we started wrestling on the ground and he kept saying he was gonna get my ass, and i kept saying hed have to pin me down first. Well eventually he did pin me down, being bigger and stronger than me (im not exactly a huge guy, nor do i know much about wrestling). He kept teasing me about how he was gonna fuck my ass, and while i probably could have managed to escape him i let him keep me pinned, even when he did actually start fucking me, barely putting up a token fight.
I dont for the life of me know why i actually let him fuck me instead of making an actual effort to push him off or say no, but god i never expected it to feel so fucking good. He knew exactly what he was doing, and had me moaning, whining, and begging for more almost immediately. At some point after wed finished, i either fell asleep or passed out (idk which) and woke up in his bed. Thats not unusual, weve shared a bed before, and im not so insecure in my sexuality as to be afraid of cuddling my closest friend. What i didnt expect though was that once he woke up he basically wouldnt look at me or touch me, and it was like he was scared to be in the same room as me or something. I thought id hurt or angered him in some way or something, but turns out hes convinced he raped me because i didnt technically say yes at any point and i was drunker than he was (we drank the same amount, but im both way smaller and also i drink less often). I kept trying to explain that i wanted it and couldve gotten him to stop if i didnt, but he refuses to listen.
How can i explain in a way that gets through his thick ass skull that i cant stop thinking about him fucking me again?